


Trust me

by WinterCap221b



Category: Marvel
Genre: Barnes Family, Bucky as a father, F/M, Feels, buckynat - Freeform, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 14:50:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8921335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterCap221b/pseuds/WinterCap221b
Summary: Natasha goes on a holiday trip with Wanda and James is left home alone with the kids. Everything seems fine until the baby is taken ill.





	1. Chapter 1

“Alright, Ethan’s milk is in the fridge and so are the ingredients for his baby food. Please buy fresh vegetables and fruits at least every other day, and I want the kids to have real home-cooked dinner every night. Don’t just order pizza even if they want you to. Daisy has piano lessons on Tuesday and Thursday; and Hunter needs to study for his math test next week, otherwise he is not allowed to go to the football match on Saturday. Make sure Violet doesn’t spend too much time on the internet, and I haven’t had the time to go dress shopping with her for the Fall Ball, so you will have to do that. All emergency numbers are on the board next to the phone and you can call me any time, day or night.”  
While Natasha whirled through the kitchen giving last minute instructions, James leaned against the kitchen island, his arms folded in front of his chest, a loving half smile on his face. The next time she passed him, he grabbed her by the hip and pulled her close to him.   
“May I remind you that I am with the kids almost every day?” he said placing a little kiss on her nose. “I know their routines, I know what they are supposed to do and what not, and I know how to feed them. We’re going to be fine.”  
Natasha sighed and relaxed a little. “I know. It’s just … I’ve never been away from them for so long. I’m gonna miss them like crazy.”  
“It’s only for a week. You and Wanda will have a wonderful time in Florida, and we will call you every night.”  
“I hope so.” Natasha got up on tip toes and kissed him. “I know you will take good care of them. I love you so much.”  
“I love you too,” he replied returning her kiss fervently. She moaned softly. “Let’s not start something we cannot finish,” she whispered, just as a “ewww, take a room!” was heard behind them.   
They turned and saw their oldest daughter, Violet, standing in the doorframe grinning. “Wanda is here,” the fourteen-year-old teenager said. “You will have to keep your pants on.”  
“A little more respect, young lady,” James said taking Natasha by the hand and leading her to the door. “You’ll be at my mercy for the next seven days. I wouldn’t be too sassy. Someone will have to do the dishes after all.”   
Violet laughed while her father put an arm around her shoulder and kissed her on the parting of her hair.  
They entered the living room where Wanda was entertaining the other kids by making small items fly around the room, at one point even letting little Ethan hover a foot or so above his crib.  
“Okay, let’s be careful here,” Natasha said grabbing the giggling baby from mid-air. “I prefer my children safely on the ground.”  
“Sorry,” Wanda said winking at Daisy and Hunter when Natasha wasn’t looking. The two stiffled a laugh and Wanda greeted Nat and James with a quick hug. “Are you ready to go? Our cab for the airport is waiting outside.”  
“I … I don’t know. I’m sure I forgot something. Something important,” Natasha said pressing the baby against her. “I don’t think I should go.”  
“Yes, you should,” James said taking the baby from her. “We are fine and you will enjoy your holiday. Trust me.”  
“I do. But I will miss you all so much.”  
“Time for a Barnes family group hug!” James ordered. Immediately the children gathered around her and the six of them hugged tightly, Natasha placing kisses and loving words on everyone.   
When they finally let go, Natasha wiped a tear from her face, kissed James once more, grabbed her bag and followed Wanda outside to the cab.  
Standing on the porch the others watched and waved until the cab was out of sight.  
“Okay,” James said plummeting on the couch when they had returned inside. He put Ethan on his chest and looked at his other children. “Mom is gone. What do we do now?”  
“Pizza!”  
“TV!”  
“Mark is having a sleep-over. Mom said I could go.”  
“No pizza, I’ll make spaghetti just like my grandma used to make them.”  
“They already had spaghetti in the Middle Ages?” 8-year-old Hunter asked and ducked to avoid the pillow his father threw at him.  
“Okay, no food for the rest of the week for Hunter,” James said trying in vain not to laugh. “Any one else want to make fun of my age?”  
“Yes please,” Daisy piped who was only 6 but already very smart and witty. “Was it exciting to be there when electricity was invented?”  
“Yes very much so but it was even better without it, as you will find out because there is no TV for you tonight. I thought you could watch some after finishing your homework but that’s off the table now.”  
“Oh, daddy, pleeease!”  
“Nope, I don’t think there is anything you can do to make me change my mind.”  
Immediately Daisy ran over to him, wrapping her little arms around his neck and plastering his cheek with kisses.   
“Aaargh,” James acted desperate making sure that she didn’t squish the baby. “You found my cryptonite! Kisses from the cutest little girl on the planet!”  
Daisy giggled and let go of him. “So can I watch TV?”  
“Yes. When you have finished your homework. I’ll check them. Same goes for you, Hunter. Now off you go. I have to go to the kitchen and start cooking.”  
Hunter and Daisy ran off to their rooms and James got up and sat Ethan back into his crib before turning to Violet.  
“So Mark is having a sleep-over.”  
“Yes.”  
“On a Wednesday night.”  
“Y-yes…”  
“And your mom said you could go.”  
“Yes?”  
“Well, I may be old but I am not stupid. You are not going to a sleep-over at a boy’s house. And I am pretty sure your mom didn’t allow that either.”  
Vi shrugged and smiled apologetically. “It was worth a try.”  
“Yes, a very nice try,” James said guiding her to the kitchen. “You wanted to help me with dinner anyway, didn’t you?”  
“I can’t think of anything better,” Vi rolled her eyes laughing.


	2. Chapter 2

They made it through Thursday and Friday without any greater catastrophes, and when Saturday came, everyone was in a very good mood and excited for the weekend.  
At 7.30 am, James had made pancakes for Daisy and Hunter (Violet was still in bed) and was just trying to feed little Ethan when the doorbell rang.  
“Now who could that be?” he asked craning his neck to look through the open kitchen door towards the front door. When he saw the shadowy outline of his best friend behind the curtained windows in the door’s upper half, he smiled and told Daisy to open the door.  
The girl ran off and a second later her excited scream was heard before she led their visitor into the kitchen.  
“Good morning, folks,” Steve smiled helping himself to some coffee and a pancake. “I just wanted to make sure everything’s alright, now that Nat isn’t here.”  
“We’re perfectly fine,” James said wiping some carrot mash from his face. “Everything is under control.”  
Steve nodded and took a sip of his coffee. “Is Ethan’s shirt inside out?”  
James looked at the baby who kept turning his head avoiding the spoon, then cleared his throat. “Um … yes. That’s the latest trend in baby fashion. Haven’t you heard?”  
“Must have missed that on the news.”  
“Steve, Steve!” Daisy said tugging at his sleeve.   
“Yes, milady?” He picked her up and sat her on his lap.  
“Will you come and see me in my school play?”  
“You’re in a school play?”  
James nodded, finally giving up on trying to feed Ethan. “She is Tulip No. 1 in ‘Stories from the flowerbed’. We couldn’t be prouder.”  
“Well, I wouldn’t miss that for the world!”  
Daisy beamed just as Violet entered the kitchen yawning. She still wore her oversized night shirt and her hair was messy from sleep. “Mornin’. God, I can’t believe I’m up at this early – oh … hi, Steve.” She blushed slightly and quickly put a strand of hair behind her ear. “I – I didn’t know you were here.” Avoiding eye contact she sat down on the other side of the table and poured herself some orange juice.  
“Is everything okay?” Steve asked slightly worried.  
“Yes, yes sure.”  
“Violet’s in love with you,” Hunter laughed making his sister blush even more.  
“Shut up!” she snapped, her cheeks now a deep crimson red. “That’s not true!”  
“Hunter, stop teasing your sister,” James warned. “Didn’t you want to go to the football match this afternoon?”  
“Yes, please!”  
“Well, then behave yourself. I won’t have any of this teasing here.”  
“Sorry…,” Hunter mumbled.  
“Okay. Did you study for your math test?”  
“Yes.”  
“Really? What does 15 + 23 equal?”  
“38.”  
“47 – 29?”  
“18.”  
“2058 + 947 – 14?”  
“4820.”  
James blinked, surprised by the quick reply, and looked at Steve. “Was that correct?”  
Steve shrugged. “No idea. I don’t even remember the numbers you said.”  
“Okay, you win this one, Hunter,” James said. “You can go to the game. But Steve will accompany –“ He was interrupted by Ethan who started crying at this very moment. “Oh hey.” James took him out of his highchair and rocked him carefully in his arms. “What’s up, little man? You haven't eaten anything. Do you miss your mom?”  
Ethan kept on wailing, forcing James to leave the kitchen and walk up and down the living room, the crying baby on his shoulder, stroking his back and humming quietly to him until he finally fell silent.  
When he returned to the kitchen, the others had finished their breakfast and Steve was doing the dishes.  
“You don’t have to do that,” James said.  
“I know but I want to. Is Ethan okay?”  
“I don’t know,” James replied sitting down carefully, the sobbing baby still in his arms who was drifting back off to sleep. “He slept alright but now he doesn’t want to eat and he usually doesn’t cry much. I don’t like that.”  
“Maybe he really just misses Nat.”  
“Yes, maybe…” For a moment James looked worriedly at his small son, then he turned to the others. “Okay, what are our plans for the day? Hunter, you’re going to the match with Steve. If that’s okay for you, Steve.”  
“Sure.”  
“Daisy? What do you want to do?”  
“Go to the zoo!”  
“Fine. Family trip to the zoo then, and in the afternoon, when Steve and Hunter are at the game, we others go dress shopping for Vi’s ball.”  
“I can’t,” Violet said who just returned from getting dressed. “I’m meeting my girls in the afternoon. We’ll have to do the shopping before noon.”  
“But I’m sure Hunter doesn’t want to be a part of that.”  
“You could leave me here,” Hunter suggested.  
“No way.”  
“How about that?” Steve interposed. “I go to the zoo with Daisy and Hunter while you and Vi go dress shopping, taking Ethan with you.”  
Everyone nodded and James agreed. “Sounds good. Thanks, man.”  
“No problem.”


	3. Chapter 3

Ninety minutes later, James was sitting in a comfortable armchair in one of the many fashion stores in the near-by mall watching Violet parading dress after dress after dress. To him she looked pretty in every single one of them but as every teenager she was never content and wouldn’t hear it when her father said she looked great.  
After some time, Ethan started crying again, so James got up and walked with him trough the store while one of the store assistants kept bringing new dresses for Vi, all the while throwing curious looks at the tall handsome man with the baby. However, James quickly felt the appeal he had with the mostly female customers turn into annoyance when Ethan’s crying became louder and louder. He tried to give him his bottle, rocked him in his arms, even sang a lullaby he remembered from his own childhood – but in vain. Ethan had cried himself into a frenzy and didn’t seem to be likely to stop any time soon.  
Out of ideas what to do James caressed the baby’s face, and panic gripped his heart. Ethan was hot and sweaty. He was ill! James’ head started spinning. He had never dealt with a sick baby. Of course their other children had been ill before but they had been much older when they adopted them. Ethan had joined their family only three months ago and he had been in perfect health until now. What if it was serious?!  
James quickly returned to the changing booth Violet was in and knocked on the door. “Vi, we need to go. Ethan is ill.”  
“One second.” A minute later Vi emerged from the booth, fully dressed in her own clothes, a bundle of dresses in her arms and concern on her face. “What is it?”  
“I don’t know. He’s hot and sweaty and he won’t stop crying. We need to go to the hospital.”  
“Yes, of course.” Vi dropped the dresses into the assistant’s arms, apologized for the mess and hurried after her father who was already rushing towards the parking garage.  
Back in the car Vi sat down next to Ethan’s baby seat stroking his wet hair and trying to calm him down.  
“I’ll drop you off at the bus station, so you can go back home,” James said throwing worried glances into the rear-view mirror and flooring the gas pedal. “Tell Steve that I'm sorry but he will have to watch Daisy and Hunter in the afternoon.”  
“What about the football match? Hunter has been looking forward to this for weeks.”  
“I know but he cannot go alone and Daisy cannot stay at home alone.”  
“I’ll watch her then.”  
“I thought you were meeting your friends.”  
“Why, yes. But this is way more important. Don’t be silly, dad.”  
James felt a wave of love and gratitude wash trough him. “Thank you, Vi. You really are turning into a wonderful, responsible young woman. Your mom would be proud of you. She doesn’t have to know about this, though. She’d only worry, and I want her to enjoy her trip.”  
“Don’t worry, dad, so do I. I'm not telling her. Just make sure that Ethan gets better soon.”  
They had reached the bus station and after telling her father to call her as soon as he knew anything new, Violet left the car.  
The door had hardly closed behind her when James already sped off towards the hospital. He double-parked outside the main entrance, grabbed the baby who hadn’t stopped crying for a single second, and hurried inside.  
The place was packed with people of all ages, sizes and ethnicities. Holding Ethan tightly, James made his way to the reception desk where a white-haired nurse told him to fill in a form and sit down in the waiting area until he was called up.  
Even though his entire body was tingling with fear and he wanted to see a doctor rather sooner than later, he knew that there was no sense in arguing with the nurses, so he sat down and tried his best to answer the many questions on the form. How was he supposed to know all this? Nat had always taken care of things like this and he hardly remembered what the adoption papers had said about Ethan’s medical past.  
Hours passed. They were called in to a very nice black doctor in his forties who took Ethan’s temperature and a blood sample. He looked into his mouth, ears and eyes, and then sent them back out to wait until the test results were in.  
At the time, Ethan had finally stopped crying even though mainly from exhaustion. James cradled him lovingly ignoring most of his surroundings except for the speakers which he was hoping to announce the name “Barnes” as soon as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

It was already dark when they were finally allowed to go home. According to the doctor Ethan’s fever was a sign of his body successfully fighting germs, and as long as it didn’t get worse, there was no need to worry. He had prescribed him some antifebrile medications and told James to come back in the morning if the fever hadn’t declined by then or if other symptoms like coughing or a runny nose added.  
While he was driving back home through the darkness, James kept looking anxiously at his son who had finally fallen asleep in the baby seat next to him.  
He had loved him from the very first moment but only now he realized just how much he loved him. Seeing this little person suffer and being unable to help him had been worse than any torture he had had to endure during his time as Hydra’s Winter Soldier.  
His heart made a jump when his phone rang in the car’s silence. He quickly answered it without checking the caller’s ID and a second later Natasha’s voice was heard over the speakers.  
“James! Where are you?”  
“Natasha.” He had forgotten their daily evening call. “What’s up?”  
“I’m asking you! I just talked to the kids and Violet told me that you couldn’t come to the phone because you were outside with some of the neighbors looking for the Kaminskys’ dog! Their dog died three weeks ago, why is she lying to me?”  
James sighed. “She’s only covering for me because we didn’t want you to get worried.”  
“Well, that didn’t work out. I am worried. Where are you? What’s going on? Don’t tell me the kids are home alone.”  
“Of course not. Steve is with them. And I’ll be home in a few minutes. I was … I was at the hospital with Ethan.”  
“WHAT?!”  
“Shhhh. He’s sleeping. Please don’t wake him.”  
Natasha’s voice immediately dropped to a fierce whisper. “What’s going on, James? Why were you at the hospital? What’s wrong with my baby?”  
“It’s nothing, really. He had a little fever but the doctor says it’s nothing to worry about. He’s sleeping now and he’ll be better tomorrow.”  
“Why didn’t you call me? How could you just keep that from me? Forcing the kids to lie to me! I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone with them!”  
“Natasha, please. That’s not –“ He was interrupted by the dial tone. She had hung up.  
James cursed, trying to ignore the cold grip around his heart, and dialed her number. She didn’t answer. During the remaining drive he tried it a couple more times but every time his call went directly to voicemail.  
He entered their driveway and parked the car in the garage. Carefully he took Ethan out of his seat. The baby stirred a little but didn’t wake up when James carried him into the living room where Steve and Violet were sitting on the couch watching TV. When they saw James, Vi got up and walked over to him looking anxiously at her little brother.  
“Is he okay? What is it?”  
“Nothing to worry about. He’ll be better tomorrow.”  
“That’s a relief. Listen, dad, mom called about half an hour ago and I told her you were out looking for the Kaminskys’ dog. She didn’t say anything but I don’t think she believed me. I just wanted to give you a heads-up.”  
“Thank you,” James said determaned not to tell her about her lie’s consequences. “You didn’t have to lie for me though. We’ll tell her the truth when she comes back.”  
“Okay, I’ll be in my room. Good night, dad. Bye, Steve.”  
“Bye.”  
When she had left, Steve got up as well. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You look terrible.”  
“Well, it’s been a long day. And Nat called right after talking to Vi. Of course she didn’t believe her, and when I told her I had been in the hospital with Ethan without telling her, she got furious and hung up. And now she doesn’t answer her phone anymore.”  
“Oh, man, I’m sorry. Do you want me to try and talk to her?”  
James shook his head. “No, it’s … it’s okay. I’ll call her again tomorrow. I just really need some sleep right now. Thank you for watching the kids.”  
“Hey, no problem. I love spending time with them.”  
“Thanks. I’ll call you tomorrow.”  
Steve left and James carried Ethan upstairs to put him into his bed. After sneaking into the rooms of Daisy and Hunter who were already asleep, he dragged himself into their own bedroom and sat down on his side of the bed. He felt incredibly exhausted, and knowing that Nat was mad at him and refused to talk to him felt like somebody had pushed a knife straight through his heart. Even though he could hardly keep his eyes open, he dialed Nat’s number again in a last desperate attempt to apologize.  
Again he was directed to voicemail but this time he left a message. Sitting sunk down on the bed in the darkness of the room, he felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and the only person able to lift it was his wife. “Natalia,” he said quietly. “I know I should have told you about Ethan being sick. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to worry but now I realize that this only made things worse. Please forgive me. Please call me back. I cannot bear the thought that my actions hurt you and drive you away from me. I had to spend too many years without you, I cannot take a second more. Please. I love you.”  
He hung up and dropped back on the bed but he had hardly closed his eyes when he heard Ethan cry over the baby monitor. Tiredly he went to fetch him, and five minutes later they had both fallen asleep, huddled together in the big bed that felt so terribly empty without Natasha.


	5. Chapter 5

Natasha left the cab and waited until it had vanished into the night before quietly entering the house. It was almost 3:30 am and everyone was fast asleep. Without turning on the lights, she crept upstairs and into Ethan’s room. His bed was empty.  
Don’t panic, she told herself, maybe he’s with James.  
She tiptoed into their bedroom and in the wan light of the moon shining through the window she saw something that made her heart swell with love and devotion.  
James was lying on his side, his metal arm forming a protective wall around Ethan who had his tiny fists clenched into James’ t-shirt. They both looked so peaceful that Natasha suddenly felt incredibly stupid.  
How could she have doubted James for even one second? She remembered the message he had left on her phone. He had called her Natalia, something he only ever did in their most intimate moments. And he had worried that his behavior had hurt her, when really the only one hurting somebody was she by mak-ing him feel like he wasn’t a good father.  
Even though she knew how dangerous it was to wake up a former assassin in the middle of the night, she walked over to the bed and carefully swept her fingers over his back.  
He jerked awake, subconsciously making sure he didn’t wake the baby, and turned around. Within a split second the shock in his steel-blue eyes turned into surprise and relief. “Natasha,” he whispered carefully sitting up. “What are you doing here?”  
“Realizing how stupid I was,” she said sitting down next to him. “When you told me about Ethan being sick, all I could think about was getting here as soon as possible. So I left poor Wanda at the spa hotel, took the next flight to New York and came here by cab. My mind kept telling me that you would never be able to take care of him the way I could and that he would never get well without me. But I should have known that he was perfectly save with you. I am so sorry. You’re the best father in the world, I never should have doubted you.”  
“Natasha…” He laid his hand on her cheek and kissed her softly. “We both messed up but it’s just because we love those kids more than anything else.”  
“That’s true.”  
“Come on, let’s sleep. We can talk about the rest tomorrow.”  
Natasha nodded and stripped down to her underwear before lying down on the other side of the bed. Their hands and legs entwined and their hearts at peace they quickly fell asleep, the little baby between them unaware of the trouble he had caused.


End file.
